001 ♚ video

[untilmydarknessgoes]

So, are we done whining and philosophizing about the meaning of life? You know, I keep thinking being dead for real couldn't get any worse, but then one of you starts talking and manage to prove me wrong.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. [He sighs.] Somehow, you've managed to avoid the proselytizing. But I guess it might take a bigger crisis for that crap to kick in.

Seriously though. What the hell is there to do for fun around here besides listening to you guys carry on?

Comments

[mistconduct]

I'm older than Cassel.

...I think.


Fuck, I have no idea now that time is all fucked up.

Anyway, you're hilarious. Pick a nickname that I can call you for the rest of your life instead of your actual name.

[untilmydarknessgoes]

Let's pretend I didn't and you go away before I remove your spine the second I see you.

[mistconduct]

I'm gonna call you Tuffy, after the bully bear in the Berenstein Bears books.

The girl bully.

[untilmydarknessgoes]

Do what you want, Chris. Can't possibly make it any worse for you.

[mistconduct]

Don't mess with me, bro. I have an attack dog.

[And Chris holds up not his big shaggy St. Bernard service dog, but his yappy little Pomeranian who, appropriately, yaps at the screen]

Say your prayers, dick.

[untilmydarknessgoes]

...Are you fucking kidding me? What are you? Dr. Evil?

[mistconduct]

Sic 'em, Bowie. Sic 'em!

[He pushes the Pom back and forth towards the camera. The Pom never stops his yapping, his little feet pedaling frantically in midair.]

[untilmydarknessgoes]

[Just this face. No words.]

[Just. This. Face.]

[mistconduct]

Good boy.

[He sets the Pom down so that Bowie can go piddle on Chris' clothes lying on the ground like he always does]

So what's up, Tuffy? Sad that no one's paying attention to you?

[untilmydarknessgoes]

Oh yeah, that's absolutely it.

[mistconduct]

You know, I keep saying we should bring karaoke to the bar. Can you sing, Tuffy?

[untilmydarknessgoes]

You can't get me drunk enough to.

[mistconduct]

Dude, I can get you so tremendously drunk. Don't even go there.

[untilmydarknessgoes]

Doubt it.

[routemistress]

Chris where've you been all this time? We already 'ave karaoke. Like I'd drink on the regular in a bar without one.

[mistconduct]

Oh!

Okay.

New creepy Tuffy gets to sing after all.

[routemistress]

[She eyes Damon dubiously. No, she's not talking to him. Because occasionally Iris is twelve.]

I bet 'e can't sing for shite. Lower the tone.

[mistconduct]

Please. I know he can't sing for shit. Still funny.

[routemistress]

That's easy to say when it's not your art form 'e's mangling. Why can't 'e stick to knitting?

[mistconduct]

You don't own the rights to singing, Iris. Come on, get over it.

[routemistress]

Possession's nine points of the law, so they tell me. So I definitely own the pub karaoke.

And I don't want it mucked up with whiny offkey mosquitoes. 'Ow about scrapbooking?

[mistconduct]

Inmate cage-fighting, Iris!

Come oooonn, inmate cage-fighting.

[routemistress]

Chris do you know 'ow many times I've tried to suggest that? I just get shot down 'cause mine are the 'ardest.

[mistconduct]

Okay, maybe not fight each other.

What about bears? Tuffy could fight a bear.

[routemistress]

What'd the poor bear ever do to you? 'Ow about flower arranging?